Thursday, December 12, 2013

Some Thoughts On This Next Chapter

I hope this will not be the typical "end of semester" or "school is out" post.  It is quite a bit more than that for me this semester, it is the end of a chapter.  I am one big step closer to graduation.  I am excited, joyful, thankful, anticipatory, and honestly somewhat anxious.  I have been in school pretty much non-stop since the age of 4 and it is all wrapping up.  I am so thankful but also recognizing I can't pretend not to be a grown up anymore.  I know I am responsible and capable, but it just doesn't seem right sometimes, in less than a year I will be a Doctor.  I don't feel confident or mature enough to be a professional.  I know I am completely competent and continue to grow in knowledge and experience daily.  Will there always be a little voice in my head saying "you don't know what you're doing" or "how are you pulling off this charade?"  I know it is little more than lies in my head, for the past couple of years it has been "you can't do this, you must've gotten into this program on a fluke."  And now Satan must find new lies to tell me because the old ones have become almost obsolete.  Two clinicals, two classes, and the comprehensive exam are the only things standing between graduation and myself and it is intimidating.

Which brings me to, but why???? What in the world do I have to be intimidated by? I have been re-reading the book A Heart Like His by Rebecca Manly Pippert lately and am in the portion where she compares David and Saul.  Ironically I am also in the middle of Beth Moore's Bible study series on David.  It has all centered on living confidently in the Lord, stressing that that is the only source for true confidence.

I drop the ball so often.  I let my anxiety get the best of me.  I get my little pity party on and get carried away. (Think grad school barbie depressing thoughts.)  And where is the Lord in all of this? Right where I left Him.  I don't say that condescendingly, but more as encouragement.  He is never the one to waiver.  I do that all on my own.  I listen to everything around me but the peaceful calming voice of the Lord.

So, I am resolved to make this short break from the anxiety causing insanity of PT school to wait on the Lord. To listen to the Lord and overall, seek Him and His will above all in the things I do and say.  Lord, make my heart open to receive your counsel and guidance, and Lord most of all, make me desire Your will above mine in the life you have given me.  I am so blessed and squander that blessing so often with my selfishness.

Time with my in-laws is always difficult for me, which I often do not handle well, and only serve to cause anxiety for my husband and diminish the joy we might have spending time together.  Lord, please do not let me steal the joy of others for my own selfish motivation or due to unkind words spoken to me.  Lord, let me not become a selfish gossip, leaving a wake just because I want them to accept me, and acting as a crutch to others just because I am shown unkindness.  My worth is not determined by anyone's opinion of me but the Lord's. Above all Lord, let me trust my husband to make the right choices for our little family, and in so demonstrate my love for him and confidence in You.

God I am so weak, but know that in You I am strong and you are capable of taking me and my life and completing something more than I could ever imagine.

I hope you are having a Merry Christmastime!

Friday, December 6, 2013

The Potting Soil Inicident

So, at Bible study the other night the topic came up that we were all forgetting things. Entire chapters have disappeared, a picture or reference instantly brings back a memory, but left to our own recollections, there are blanks.  That being said, I want to try to update more often and photo document more effectively. (New Year's Resolution maybe?)

That all being said, I thought I would share my most recent housewife-y faux pas.  Haylee, DJ and I have been rolling about it and thought it might bring smiles all around, and likely quite a few "oh, honey"s.  

It all started about mid October when I decided to clean out the planters on our porch.  I had basil and rosemary this year and they were so cute in their prime, but they had since withered and were now just a depressing remnant and reminder that winter was on its way.

I pulled out the plants & roots and dug around the bottom for the golf balls, wine corks, and stones I used to create a drainage system in the bottom of the container and was left with some potting soil.  It didn't look like too much to me, so I figured I could just rinse the containers out in the kitchen sink and everything would be all clean for my gardening endeavors come springtime.

Had that been the case, this would be a pretty lame story. Apparently garbage disposals and dirt don't work very well together because the sink quickly became backed up.  Eventually I got everything down the drain and cleaned up, just as I had pictured, all squeaky clean and ready to be put away. I moved on with cleaning & straightening things up, fixed dinner, and did not give it another thought.

It wasn't until the next evening as I was unloading the dishwasher that I was reminded of my not so great idea.  The entire dishwasher was covered in potting soil, dishes and all. I repeated the cycle on rinse, which did absolutely nothing. On top of that the dishwasher was not draining, so there was a nice pool in the bottom of it.  I unloaded a few dishes, hand-washed them, and used a cup to scoop as much of the water into the sink as I could and completely forgot to tell DJ about my issue until he was doing the dishes following dinner and I heard "oh my gosh, there is something seriously wrong with our dishwasher." He was seriously upset because we were just given a new one by our apartment complex and he was "so sick of dealing with everything breaking." I was in the middle of studying for something and only paying half attention until I heard "This is so disgusting, the entire dishwasher is covered in mold!"  It was then that I explained the whole story, oh I wish I had a picture of his face.  Big eyes, raised eyebrows, and and crinkled forehead that I knew was saying "you have got to be kidding me."  We called maintenance and were told they would be there in the next couple of days.

Well, the next day, once again I had forgotten about our little problem I had been choosing to ignore in the dishwasher.  Haylee came over to watch an online class at our apartment and brought some kale to make kale chips out of.   She prepared and seasoned the chips and put them in the oven. Well, as luck would have it, maintenance stopped by to check out the situation.  On the work order we specified "water in dishwasher," a completely true statement, but our maintenance man came slightly under prepared for the disaster he was about to meet.  Haylee was completely unaware of what was going on, all she knew was that the kale chips were about to burn and burnt kale chips would smell a million times worse than regular kale chips.  

The maintenance man left to get the shop vac, because, yes, it was that bad.  During that time, we caught the kale chips right in time and I filled Haylee in on the happenings.  The maintenance man came back and spent a long time trying to clean out our pipes, I felt soooo bad, and could not bring myself to make eye contact.  The dust he stirred up caused my allergies to flare up, sending me into sneezing & sniffling craziness.  So naturally, I went to sit on the porch, and left Haylee to awkwardly take responsibility for the issue.

All he said when he left was "have a good day." Praise the Lord because I have no idea what would have come out of my mouth had he said anything that required more than "you too, thank you!"  We could not have done more to come off as the strangest renters in our complex.  Who knows what type of leaves he thought we were baking, our incessant giggling definitely did not help, and the pipes filled with potting soil most definitely sealed the deal.

DJ got home soon after and between the smell of the potting soil, sewage, and kale chips, quickly decided we would be going to study at Starbucks that evening.  Since this incident, both Haylee and DJ have had some serious conversations about "appropriate things to put down a garbage disposal" and potting soil is definitely not on that list.

Happy Christmastime!